Be Hardcore, Melt the Mold

It occurs to me sometimes that I see things a little more clearly than others. I now walk through life with my eyes wide open most of the times unlike most, who quickly "like" things and just keep scrolling through life. 

I've learned to slow things down and try my best to pause and see the things in front of me even when I keep a schedule that'd make the average lazy person bust into tears from overwhelm. I am however usually quick to decide weather I like something or not, can't stand to be late so we're always early, and waiting...on anything is a clear violation of the use of my treasured time. So I remind myself...not everyone leads a life like me. More importantly that IS ok. We're each on a different page in our story. Not everyone has or will have learned to have priorities and not let the world dictate what they do. I strive  to stay in control of my life and keep my focus on the things that really matter and will in the long run make a difference in my family and the world for better. It's really a simple way of living, not rushed, not grasping for things that are unneeded.

I see the world leaning into ways to make everyone "comfortable" just a little to much. Most of the time I keep quiet but I'm learning to speak up and speak the truth even on the smaller things that others fail to catch a glimpse of. To be that voice of truth that I'm not hearing out there any more.
Let me remind me not to lie to yourselves to make it easier to cope with issues. Let me challenge you stand strong against the problem and work through it to find peace at the end. Not only find peace but actually grow in your knowledge from what you've been through! Keep your eyes open with me. Keep your head up.

Make your priorities something you can stand for, only you can be you. You have a purpose, it's unique, don't hide it. When the world tries to pull you to fit their mold. Melt the mold. Be hardcore. Be you.

Black Frursday

Ahhh the sound of christmas music and smell of cinnamon and turkey in the air...it must be holiday time again. I personally for many many years have participated in the black friday trend.  From losing my black friday virginity in the shock of the chaos, to racing for a christmas tree, mistakingly taking a infant in with me, the hours standing in line to checkout after the big gift hunt, working at target during the morning one year, ive really done it all. Its been a part of our holday tradition with our family for years wed tag team and grab deals for each other and fight off the crowds all in good fun and weve made many memories. I still have many items and i can vividly recall the story behind them on how i got them on Black Friday. Over the years it definatley has changed though from people being nicer and friendly to bout having to cuss a person out for invading personal space so intentionally but no matter the drama id see and deal with it its always been a fun shopping hunt. Weather i was going solo or teamed up with family members i was always sucessfull and ready to get home and start wrapping ;) 
Last year they really started it up with the sale going on thursday instead of friday and i will admit i went, My husband was deployed and so i guess that made it not such a big deal also i left very late as in after supper and i didnt really seem to grasp what was going on but now my tune has changed. I really am just aghast at the thought of the sale starting on actuall Thanksgiving day! I mean the Cowboys game will still be playing and some of the stores are expecting me to leave my family and go just for a few bucks saved? Um i think not! Before it was fun for the girls to meet up the morning after thanksgiving and do christmas shopping together but to just pick up and ruin the actual Thanksgiving traditions weve held on to for decades for more sales? No thank you I draw the line! My family time is actually worth so much more and my kids Thanksgiving memories will be of me at home with them surrounded by love and food with football playing throughout the house. Thats what il pay for thats what matters most. I will not be participating in this Black Friday now Thursday phenomenon anymore. So sorry stores you can wait till the weekend as you should to get any of our buisness we will be home enjoying our family.

A Not So Cool November Wakeup

Yay its November 1st 2014! All i can think is Wow what a wakeup! Something that doesn't happen often when my husband quietly snuck out the door this morning and shut it behind him me hearing all the kids up in the living room he had decided to let me sleep in. I was also thankful and surprised so I took the opportunity to roll back over and try to go back to sleep a little longer. Next thing I know I'm waking up to the sound of the smoke alarm in my house going off imediately get up out of my bed and open the bedroom door to my husband and ask him quickly what's going on? I'm expecting a quick answer on Oh something was left in the microwave or no worries the toaster burnt the bread anything little like one of these normal answers is what I expected to hear come from his mouth. But no I hear him say I don't know I just smell the smell . I quickly at the same time he says that take a mental picture and see two kids standing in my eye shot so I asked him where's the third and he answers she's right here so I think ok no kid is immediately sticking anything in a light socket. So I think crap theres gotta be a wire or something plugged in I'm going to have to go through the house and check it out keep in mind all this is happening was in probably 60 seconds I'm still standing at the doorway of my bedroom not clothed. So I tell him ok get the kids out and I turned back to my bedroom to throw on some clothes when I smell the familiar smell but it's been so long and I turn around to ask him did you turn the heater on? He answers yes and I know in a second to let my guard down because it's just the first time the heater has been on since last year and it set off the smoke alarm from the strong odor it put out at first. Oh what a morning what a wake up call I wish I could go back to sleep but there is no way that's happening at all.

A Crack in The Door

So here i am again opening up a tiny door into my huge life with you.  I tell myself to do it more often but then it seems time somehow takes longer.  My hubby is home from his deployment and we are all together once more.  I would say its pure bliss but i dont lie. Im actually known for being brutally honest, sometimes too much but i have learned over the years to show love instead and i do that by simply keeping my mouth shut.  It works well its much easier to let people live in their ignorance and lies anyways than it is to call them out on it only to have them not listen or even try to accept the truth and change their ways. 
Lifes hard right now i think too much and pray endlessly i praise Him for the good things that I do have and try my best to make due with what I am given.  Theres a big changing going on and i can only believe an even bigger one coming.  I stay steady on and make improvements to the challenges i come to face with daily. Its not easy. It takes all I have. It takes me constantly leaning on and relying on Him to get through the day.  I quit the pills and reject what the world has to say on how I can be healthy and whole again, I have put myself in His hands to carry me through.  Miracles are what we need, Prayers are the seeds.
It seems overcoming one trial just brings you to the next and the little ones wernt the real test. Heave Ho we go but where and when it will end i dont know. I smile at my family, at the laughs, at the cuddles, and strengths i see in each of them. Its my task to see what lies beneath to teach them how to be their best and live with true inner peace.  My body may fail me but I AM Strong. He is the I AM to keep along. 

Too deep for you? Do i come on to strong? Its all in truth. But was it to Long?

 

Day 330

330 Days have passed since my husband left off to serve our country yet again and Ive been at home with our 4 kids everyday missing him since.  What are some things I've learned? Ive learned before the next deployment to make a list and have already lined up and talked to at least 10, yes 10 babysitters.  Because I never know what life will pop up and throw at me or when I just really want to go shopping for my sanity alone every once and a while. I truly underestimated how much help I needed when it comes to babysitting.  Ive also learned I'm quite sure I'm super woman with God in me.  I come across people everyday still and they just cant even fathom how I do it. I honestly haven't a clue either I have learned when I receive these compliments to always say with Gods help, or assistance, or whatever the only way I can explain is because God has been here to help me make it through every single day weather its a great happy day or stressful emotional day the only way I make it through is with his help. 
I started stressing out a couple weeks ago which I thought was odd at first. Shouldn't I be over the moon and excited? But no I was mostly just upset at myself with the house that I see my husband walking back home to and its not this perfect picture that I have in my head for him to come home to.  Then after I realized my stress was causing physical signs to show up I realized, that was ridiculous. I stepped back and reminded myself this is the house that he left, there was laundry piles when he left and the floor wasn't always swept 24/7, or the carpet immaculate, or the counters shining bright. This is reality. This is ok.  I realized he will be perfectly happy when he comes home because he will be coming home to our life resembling still what he left, a happy house full of kids and love who are comfortable in their home and enjoy each others time. I realized I had put this big heaping dose of expectations for something that was unrealistic on myself and it was not ok.  I am happy to say that while new furniture has been added and of course old furniture rearranged quite frequently I'm happy hes coming home and I'm ok with the house that we live in and all its glory. :)
I kept his dog alive while he was gone which is a big feat seeing as how I'm allergic to him. That was one of my biggest worries was what if he got out ran away and then he came home and his loyal companion was gone. But once again even though the dog has escaped the yard numerous times and even been shot at...yeah that's a story.... God has brought him back time after time because I know I sure didn't!
I think one of the most important things Ive learned is how great of a relationship I do have with my husband.  I mean what would you do if your husband who you are madly in love with walked out the door 330 Days ago and even though you love him, and miss him, you cant see him again for a year and have to carry on your life without him immediately available.  I don't know what you invision when you think of this in your relationship, but I invisioned we would become distant, be kind of like strangers again, etc.  But honestly with us this is not the case.  I feel like he never even left when it comes to our day to day routine and feelings for each other.  I do not feel distant from him, He does not feel alienated or like a stranger walking back into my life I really feel hes just been right beside me yet somehow invisible day in and day out and it feels like hes never left my side. I am so grateful for that.  This doesn't happen often but it has happened in our case and I thank you God for that. 
Day 330 is a great day its a day that signifies hes close to coming home and what makes me smile the most is to be able to see that smile on his face when he gets to see and hug and kiss on our kids again.  I have all cameras charged and ready to go because I want to get those memories on film and pictures so that I can remember those moments forever and show the kids them when they get older and let them see how great the love was when their daddy came home to see them. :)