Goodness Goodness I must be a mess. Its Memorial Day weekend and I go to church today and BAM without any warning tears are slowly rolling out it was quite bizzare I'm just sitting listening and the preacher is sharing just a little bit on soldiers, and service, and on this wasn't even the meaning of his sermon today but it didn't matter I'm just sitting there and oh a tear rolls down, then another, at first I thought I must have yawned a couple of times without noticing then after a few minutes I'm having to wipe the tears away then finally just grabbed a kleenex that conveniently was sitting next to me...(hmmm God you sure are the master planner huh) I then am getting mad at myself because I'm crying for what seems to be no reason and not sobbing just sitting there and my eyes have a mind of their own they are just crying I knew I couldn't go through much more and had to take my exit and about the time I'm nearly to reach the restroom the emotions come pouring on through. The story is I'm Very Happily and in Love Married to my husband of nearly 2.5 years and hes been to 2 Iraq tours before all before we were dating we began dating after he came home from his second tour. Now Hes the love of my life and we have two boys and we are a great family. He of course is military and I am an Army Wife...I had always hoped that since hes been twice maybe just maybe he wouldn't have to go again only to find out earlier this month that that's not the case in a few weeks he will be going back to full time military and no more civilian job all in preparation for a future mobilization....We've got maybe till this time next year but then again I know already that plans always change and while he'd like me to tell myself its not set in stone yet blah bah I know in my heart better and it might even be sooner. Ive spent the last few weeks trying to prepare myself silently for this we've started planning a very busy and family filled summer sine well next summer he won't be here. I say I do this silently because Ive been able to tell very few because its too early to tell the kids and the last thing I need is someone coming up to talk to us about it and my son hearing theres no need yet for him to have to worry about daddy leaving. Well transition into that next year.
Story said I make it into the bathroom and am just full out sobbing uncontrollably because all this is going through my head and no matter how much I try to focus on other things I'm a wife and a mom and these are the things that matter to my heart. I'm also mad because I don't want my husband seeing me give way to my feelings on this because I don't want to put that burden on him He needs to see me strong and know that I'm gonna be able to take care of myself and everything while hes absent. I have no doubt and I know I'm going to do just fine but yeah a girls got emotions from time to time too, right? finally we have to gather the kids and escape to a cool McDonald's so they can play and eat while momma gets to "feeling better" This is what I told my 8 year old when he was confused as to why we were leaving early was momma didn't feel good and needed to go. So me a grown woman am kicking my butt for having to jump out of church service on account of my emotions..seriously? My husband said just wait till July when my church is planning a big memorial and dedication to the service members and I'm thinking hmmm should we skip? but no of course not Il be fine we will be fine besides Ive got God to lean on and He always is there and will get us right through this together. (Il wear waterproof eyeliner and mascara just in case)
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