Walking In A Daze

Well it's been a whirlwind of a week getting back home from the yellow ribbon ceremony was just the beginning. I've been so busy no laundry has been done but we have got to make it to Jeremiah's first tball practice and take both boys out to the movies we've been trying hard as we can to squeeze in any last minute memories inbetween running from store to store getting the necessities he needs to take with him. I thought I got it all yesterday only to be greeted with a new list today. I realized while usually shopping cheers me up and energizes me this has not been the case while i walked through walmart i felt so detached like i was walking in his footsteps for a minute, almost like for a minute i was seeing through the eyes of a soldier and not the civilian I am. I was walking past register after register of civilians, just ordinary everyday people in line after line just doing part of their routine waiting somberly with baskets piled high. I thought how nice it is that they can do that and how lucky they are to not be me. I had been on a mission get in and get out grab what items my man needed eagerly wanting to help him get squared away while still knowing what the outcome is, knowing this meant he was leaving us because this deployment time had finally reached us no matter how slow we tried to keep things. I thought all this as i kept just looking at everyone as i passed them taking note of their expressions and demeanor till i finally reached the door and the strong cold wind was a breath of fresh air brisk enough to make me snap to but not enough to make me want to retreat. Then i was off to the next task once again driving fast down the road just another civilian taking care of her family. Oh how fun it is to now be filling the army wife role on top of my others but il take it in stride and lean a little more on my God and a little less on myself.