Backspacing the bad things in real life would be nice too

Well If ever Ive not been myself it would be now.  I can honestly say this whole Christmas season Ive been gone emotionally and physically and I try just not to talk to anyone because well for one the more I talk the closer I come to throwing up and because I'm so plain miserable I have nothing much positive to say.  I didn't even hang lights on the outside of our house this year I had 2 more boxes of ornaments that never even went up because I just don't have it in me and I hate having to have my husband do absolutely everything for me. He already helps me out more than anyone will know hes getting up with the boys, changing the diapers, cooking the meals, giving the baths, and every other little thing in between.  What this was, was the blog of me trying to get my feelings at the present moment out but instead I deleted a paragraph which just seemed to be griping which isn't cool in my book. I will say that I get so sick of having to constantly answer I'm fine...to the question I keep repeatedly getting asked when someone sees me if I'm ok?...No I'm not ok I don't even remember what ok is I'm simply putting on a brave face and being polite by answering I'm fine which is equivalent right now to I feel like I'm melting away....
Through it all I know in the end I'm getting something great, a blessing beyond words that will make me laugh at the misery I know so well today and I will forever be happy with what God has given us because I will know between the many dirty diapers and messes to come they will be nothing to the stress and agony Ive made it through thus far. And next christmas there will be joy again and 2 more bundles of joy to share in it with us.  I face each day knowing God has truly blessed me and we will weather this storm to see our rainbow at the end.

The Real Mask of a SuperMommy

While my nose has turned into a superpower it seems to do more harm then good. Washing dishes, laundry, mopping, and the daily super bomb of a dirty diaper are way too much for me to handle these days.  My husband has been on leave and helping out at home the last couple weeks well not helping hes pretty much been running the ship for me and the family.  But we knew the first 2 weeks of December he would be gone to a training and everything would then fall on me again nausea and fatigue or not. As I tried to think about this while laying in bed or sitting on the couch the last few days I came up with an idea which is pure genius i think! My nose it what sets off most of the time no matter what I do i can smell the dirt from outside, any smell even air freshener or my favorite scentsy makes me sick within minutes because its so strong and while my hubby has been my own lil hero these last couple of weeks I haven't had to change one stinky diaper since hes been home and that is a blessing all in itself double pregnant or not.

I had an idea and thought I wonder if any other moms have had to do this or have even thought of using these but maybe been too chicken or maybe just not desperate enough to actually go through with it. Well I tested it out yesterday before he left to make sure and I was right it works I went to the store and bought a pack of 20  surgical like face mask to cover my nose and mouth area in the hopes for me to be able to function as a mom again. Now after successfully changing my own first stinky diaper this morning without smelling one thing I'm proud to say i may look silly 2 my 2 year old as he tries to give me kisses with the mask on but I feel a little bit like my old supermom self using this mask I will be able to do laundry, clean, and should be able to keep up with all the task i need to the next couple of weeks so look out world this is the mask that turns a expecting mom of 2 who's been laid out in bed back into super mommy!

Are you laughing hysterically or are you kicking yourself for not thinking of it first! :)

Been gone sleeping or wishing I was alseep

Happy December 1st! Not only have I neglected my blog but also much of my life lately but with good reason... I now spend my days in bed sleeping in not able to get up to even take my oldest to school and within an hour of being up with my toddler I'm wishing its noon and time for OUR nap time already I'm drained to say the least.  If I'm not walking around wishing i was in bed I'm sitting around feeling completely sick and at the very tip top edge of about toss up whatever it is Ive had to eat.  Ive been wanting to blog as I feel its a need since I've fallen into the black hole of existence right now I don't even like to talk on the phone because you guessed it the more I speak the closer I get to throwing up. I also keep putting off blogging because I know its going to come across as negative which its seeming to do so already but I'm a person focuses on the positive and tries never to give the negative even a sliver of a chance in my life. That being said the constant extreme fatigue and nausea doesn't mean I'm not a happy person because I am very happy I'm just also very sick right now so much so that it mostly covers up the happiness I have inside because inside of me I'm completely excited and little frazzled because of so much excitement that my body is extra busy at work providing a life support system for 2 babies! I found out about a month ago that I'm having twins! I knew about 2 weeks before that that I was having twins its just a mothers intuition on these things :) But I will say seeing that sonogram and my 2 babies and 2 separate little heartbeats is a moment I will never forget overwhelmingly blessed is how I describe the feeling then within seconds my mind raced to all the complications and extra things I know can come along with a twin pregnancy but so far so good I'm about 10 weeks no due date set yet and getting closer to ending my first trimester in which case the nausea and some of the fatigue might lay off. I cant wait for the day! but until then I'm off to take a nap while my 2 year old is still sleeping and before my oldest gets home from school :)