Well If ever Ive not been myself it would be now. I can honestly say this whole Christmas season Ive been gone emotionally and physically and I try just not to talk to anyone because well for one the more I talk the closer I come to throwing up and because I'm so plain miserable I have nothing much positive to say. I didn't even hang lights on the outside of our house this year I had 2 more boxes of ornaments that never even went up because I just don't have it in me and I hate having to have my husband do absolutely everything for me. He already helps me out more than anyone will know hes getting up with the boys, changing the diapers, cooking the meals, giving the baths, and every other little thing in between. What this was, was the blog of me trying to get my feelings at the present moment out but instead I deleted a paragraph which just seemed to be griping which isn't cool in my book. I will say that I get so sick of having to constantly answer I'm fine...to the question I keep repeatedly getting asked when someone sees me if I'm ok?...No I'm not ok I don't even remember what ok is I'm simply putting on a brave face and being polite by answering I'm fine which is equivalent right now to I feel like I'm melting away....
Through it all I know in the end I'm getting something great, a blessing beyond words that will make me laugh at the misery I know so well today and I will forever be happy with what God has given us because I will know between the many dirty diapers and messes to come they will be nothing to the stress and agony Ive made it through thus far. And next christmas there will be joy again and 2 more bundles of joy to share in it with us. I face each day knowing God has truly blessed me and we will weather this storm to see our rainbow at the end.
No comments:
Post a Comment